Trouble with Spiritual Path

[Cup of Joe]

Hey All,

I need some help figuring some things out for myself, so I thought I would seek the wisdom that can be found on the forums. Lately, I've been having trouble with my spiritual life. I feel conflict between being Wiccan and returning to my previous faith. I don't know what is best for myself, and I don't know what I want, to be honest. When I examine the reasons I came to Wicca, it was, quite honestly, because I felt that Wicca and Pagan religions were more accepting of people and more tolerant of others, unlike most mainstream religions. Admittedly, Christianity's stance on homosexuality definitely drove me away. It wasn't "God" that I had the problem with, but more the people in the pews next to me. I felt so uncomfortable in that situation, that, when combined with the fact that I didn't really connect to Christianity or to God by being Christian, I chose to leave.

I was drawn to Wicca because I loved where its focus was as a faith. It wasn't on the idea of "doing good in this life so you can be rewarded with eternal happiness in the next", but more the seeking harmony with the Earth and focusing on the here and now and how to improve oneself and reach ones highest potential. Yet I am at a standstill with my faith, because I don't really feel like I have any guidance, direction, or time to devote to it. When I finish my degree, that would be a completely different story, but for the time being, I do what I can.

Part of the conflict, I will admit, arises from my family. They are all very staunch Catholics, who, while they are accepting of my sexual orientation, would not be, under any circumstances, accepting of any spirituality or religion that I would practice outside of Christianity (preferably, Catholic, but they understand my reasons for not being Catholic anymore). My family is very, very important to me, and quite honestly, save my two best friends, one of whom is my partner, my family is really all I've got. If I lost them, I don't know how I would cope with that. So I feel that I am left with a choice... My family or my faith. I did a Tarot reading on it, and the end result was the Six of Cups, pointing to Childhood memories. Does this mean I will return to the habits/faith that I had when I was younger? Or should this suggest that I take a more childlike approach to my faith and the situation, not really worrying about the complexities of the situation and just following/believing what makes me happy, or "believing as a child", so to speak?

I appreciate all your insights. I am asking you because, quite honestly, I feel that Wicca is truly the faith for me, and I feel that I would be more receptive to the feedback that this community has to give me as opposed to feedback that a Christian person would give me (clearly, most assume we do 'the devil's work'). Thanks again.

~(BB)~

[Finduilas]

I completely understand what you're going through.  Time and time again I have come to the same standstill.  Your heart is truly with Wicca and there is no other faith that you feel such a deep connection to, but the sheer amount of work and time that it involves appears beyond you.  You want to, but sometimes you just can't.  Yet a person needs something to believe in, so you feel temptation to fall back on more mainstream faiths.  Believe me, I know, it is a most uncomfortable feeling.

Here is my advice:  I have been in your shoes countless times.  If there's one thing I've learned through these struggles, it's that once one has stepped foot on the Wiccan path, there is no renouncing it.  Whatever your situation is, if Wicca is right for you, then it will never leave you.  Even if you tried to banish it from your mind, you would find yourself coming back to it time and time again.  This is how you know that following Wicca is your calling.  Sometimes we lose faith, sometimes we don't make it to rituals, sometimes our lack of guidance puts us at a standstill.  I advise you to keep faith and hold on, friend.  You may find that you cannot be a practicing Wiccan at this time, but that doesn't mean you have to renounce your beliefs and turn somewhere else.  If you must, put it on the back burner for now until a way forward opens up for you.  The Goddess will not be offended; she knows where your heart lies.

If you still have trouble figuring out what you want, go over the reasons why Wicca attracts you and why your previous faith repels you.  Remind yourself of your reasoning at the time you turned, and see whether or not your opinions remain unchanged.  Is there anything about either religion that you completely and utterly CAN NOT accept?  Is there anything about either religion that you can't accept living without?  What has your personal experience told you?  Which one, to you, feels more 'real'?

I hope this helped.  Brightest blessings, friend.

[Phoenix82]

You could also stay in the Broom Closet about your faith.
Religion is a very personal choice that nobody can- or should make for you. Choose what feels right for you, not to please your family, you'll have to live with your decision, not them.
 
Blessings
Phoenix

[EveyEden]

I agree with the above posts but on the note of hiding it...

I told my family and they are generally okay even though they have their reservations and probably think I'm crazy (my sister) and I'm even forbidden to practice anything at home. Luckily I found a coven but I know many wiccans and witches remain solitary either by choice or because there's no one else around them. So my advice is stick with Wicca if it is in your heart to do so and don't tell your family. They don't need to know. You can practice in secret which is much better in my opinion then having others know what you are doing. As long as you aren't hurting yourself or anyone else its none of their business.

Its your right and will to do what makes you happy.

Eden

[lepetitmort]

I was drawn to Wicca because I loved where its focus was as a faith. It wasn't on the idea of "doing good in this life so you can be rewarded with eternal happiness in the next", but more the seeking harmony with the Earth and focusing on the here and now and how to improve oneself and reach ones highest potential. Yet I am at a standstill with my faith, because I don't really feel like I have any guidance, direction, or time to devote to it. When I finish my degree, that would be a completely different story, but for the time being, I do what I can.

Just wanted to note that you don't need to be Wiccan to do those things.

Anyway if you want general spiritual guidance that won't draw attention from your family to you being Wiccan you might look into a Unitarian Universalist Church. They are open to all religions and accepting of all sexual orientations, their worship services are less specific and more generally spiritual than religious and the sermons deal more with social, world, and community issues than with specific religion. Some have a decent amount of pagan/wiccan members and allow use of the Church ground for rituals and celebrations and hold interfaith prayer and mediation. Their ministers are taught the basic workings of most religions and belief systems and so they should be able to counsel you in spiritual matters.

[RhiHu]

The impression I get from what you've said and your 6 of cups drawing is that you need to find that childlike simplicity to your spirituality. There is a lot of security you can get by joining up with an established religion or group, but it can never replace that intimate love bond to diety. On the other hand, if you have that intimate love bond then you could join any group and still find something of value there. Your spirtuality should be an adventure of joy and excitement that aims for re connecting with your own source of love and power... where that leads you is up to you and your diety.

[Ken Ra]

You are a child of the Lord and Lady that does not change whether the family name you use is Wicca or Catholic. It is not affected by doing ritual every full and dark moon and all the eight Sabbats or none at all. It is affected by living your life the best you can so that The Lord and Lady ( or Jesus ) can be proud of you.

Do what you must, those greater than us will understand.


Ken, 3rd degree, HP retired,  initiated 1968?

[xXuglywolfXx]

You are a child of the Lord and Lady that does not change whether the family name you use is Wicca or Catholic. It is not affected by doing ritual every full and dark moon and all the eight Sabbats or none at all. It is affected by living your life the best you can so that The Lord and Lady ( or Jesus ) can be proud of you.

Do what you must, those greater than us will understand.


Ken, 3rd degree, HP retired,  initiated 1968?

I don't think that could have been said any better, Ken Ra. Do what you feel is right, no matter what a book or person says. You know right from wrong; try to live your life in a way that, when you do die, you can look back and smile. If you live a life that's worth living, I'm sure whatever deity you choose will be pleased.Good luck.

[Cup of Joe]

Thank you all for the words of encouragment and support. I KNOW that Wicca is the path for me. I can feel it through every fiber of my being, but is it worth my family knowing, and as a result, sacrificing the bond I have with my family members? That's a really big obstacle, and I'm going to have to admit, that it hurts that a couple of my family members that know I don't go to Mass have essentially told me that I can't be any thing other than Christian/Catholic. Because you are right, it's not their place to dictate what is best for me.

[Finduilas]

You don't necessarily have to tell your family if you feel that things would be more peaceful if they didn't know.  Granted it offers more difficulties, but if your bond with your family means that much to you, keeping your faith quiet might be the best option. 

However, ideally the opinions of others should not be dictating your path in life.  It all comes down to you; what do you feel comfortable revealing?  It will be unpleasant at first certainly, but in time who knows?  They may come to accept it.  There is always hope.

[Seeking Answers]

I've been struggling with many of the same issues.  I left the Catholic Church after 7 years because I could no longer reconcile my disagreements on matters such as contraceptives, homosexuality, etc.  As of now, I'm on a spiritual journey.  I am taking time to learn about other faiths and philosophies.  So far, the most significant and life-changing event I've experienced was when I took inspiration from Wicca and meditated outside under the trees.  I felt a connection to a Higher Power and I had an epiphany.  Why do I need other human beings to tell me how to honor that Higher Power?  Your spirituality is your own.

[xXuglywolfXx]

Maybe instead of coming straight out and saying, 'Hey, I'm Wiccan', take some of the philosophies and share those instead. Like the idea of karma and the Three Fold Law. Just change the names, but keep the meaning the same. If you're family asks, I'm sure you wouldn't like the idea of lying to them; no one wants to lie to their families or the ones the care about. So, basically, give vague answers, just enough so you're not really lying, but they still get an answer. And you won't have them begging you to go back to church, your condemning you for your choice.
That's what I did, at least. It worked for me, but do whatever you think is the best choice of action. You know you're family, not me.
Again, good luck with everything. I hope your family can be tolerant, or at the very least not abandon you for your choices.

[Cup of Joe]

Also some interesting thoughts that I have heavily considered. And Seeking Answers, you and I have had similar experiences and I feel exactly as you do. Why do I need other human beings tot ell me how to honor that higher power? You don't. And you hit the nail on the head--your spirituality is your own. Your connection with that higher power is your own, and no one can tell you how to have that connection but you.

In terms of not telling my family... that seems the most practical option. I just don't think any good can come from a conversation about my spirituality, so I say nothing. But it's just very hard to be a member of a family, and feel connection and closeness to this family, when you know, deep down, that if they knew about it, their opinion of you would change, they would not accept or be tolerant, and they would try to change you because they "fear for your soul". I have lied to my family members time and time again on this very topic, simply because lying is easier for them to swallow than telling them the truth. They are under the impression that I'm just this lost, confused, jaded soul that needs guidance. The trade off is that, occasionally, I have them trying to redirect me to Catholicism/Christianity. But if that's the price I have to pay for acceptance, I guess I will take it, as sad as that may sound. :-/

[ThunderWolf]

I'm not sure this is a good idea, but it's just another option that occurred to me. Do with it what you think is best.

My thought was that you take a hard line with them. Intentionally keep them in the dark as to what your beliefs are, but tell them that it is a topic that is off limits for discussion and that any interference or anyone not respecting that boundary will not be met with a pleasant reaction.

You could tell them flat out that your spiritual beliefs and/or practices are your own business and are between you and "God". That nobody else has any business interfering with that area of your life.

I tend to deal with things differently than others though. My parents know I'm Pagan. My mom has told me more than once (believe it or not she was not being judgmental--just calmly expressing an honest opinion) that I'm going to go to hell. She's also asked me not to tell her brother because she's afraid he will be so concerned for my soul.

So you can see it's not something my parents are happy about. But they love and accept me for me whether they agree with my spiritual beliefs and practices or not. Had I not been comfortable letting them know flat out I might have taken the "hard line" I suggested.

My situation is a bit different, though, too in that my mom is one of those people who agrees that going to church does not make you Christian any more than not going to church makes you non-Christian. So she's not necessarily "married" to any set of religious ritual practice beyond what she does that is between her and her "God".

[Cup of Joe]

That is an interesting idea, but I wouldn't do that until I'm financially independent from my parents. In the mean time, all I do is just smile and nod and "play the part" so to speak. It just hurts knowing that if they knew the truth about what I really feel, and how Wicca makes me feel so alive and so connected, then they would think differently of me or not accept me.