Could Use a Little Help

[ND013]

It's been a while since I've been here, but I'm just gonna jump right to the point. For the past month or so I've been feeling down. Now, I know we all get sad sometimes, and I actually have a long history of depression...but it's not usually this bad. I've probably cried for at least five hours this week. Not all the time, but at least once or twice a day I feel like I don't make a difference. And not in the chipper "I want to make a difference in the world" way; I mean in the "if I disappeared right now, life would continue without so much as a tear shed" way. I feel completely invisible, to the point where the (too) many sharp objects I keep in my room have begun to look very friendly.

The strange thing is, nothing much has changed in my life to suddenly make me feel this way. Or maybe the problem is that NOTHING HAS CHANGED. I don't know. All I know is that this sadness is not typical of my (at least not for such an extended period of time). Some happy thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
ND

[RhiHu]

I'm not good with pep talks or making people feel better... but this is me trying, because I've been there too. *hugs*

In Alchemy they would call this facing the water dragon. When the whole world is mist and the longer you venture through it the deeper and darker it becomes until all the normal things of life that used to serve as sign posts are gone are we are lost. It's just you alone with yourself, and no way out in sight. The crazy old alchemists used to try to actualy force themselves into this state and called it dissolution.

The body and mind go hand in hand, so there are two ways to deal with depression either from the chemical front or dealing with the mind. Psychically, depression is a reaction to all the walls and barriers the world encourages us to put up and we put up against the world. When we start to veer off course and try to live up to others expectations and such. The alchemists said that tears were the body's way of washing away those hard parts inside us and artificial constructs and unleashing the psychic flood gates that lead us toward our true substance. Their solution was to get in touch with all of your emotions and express them as openly and loudly as you can. Cry until you cant anymore, then laugh as hard as you can. Just be you and own your emotions. Only by becomeing one with the water dragon would the person find their way out of the mist... and out of the mists as something far greater than they went in as.

You can do it! 

[ND013]

Believe it or not, that was a pretty good pep talk. I'm not bouncing around in happiness yet, but at least I know a technique other than "suck it up". And I absolutely refuse to go the route of medications; I don't really like putting random chemicals into my body.

So thank you, RhiHu.

[RhiHu]

Your very welcome 

[WendyAnne]

It could also be the cause of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Some sunlight and mild exercise may help. It would atleast help to re-energize you after a good cry. 

[SnowAngel]

I think everyone goes through periods like this, to some degree or another.  Obviously some worse then others.  When I do, I try to go for a walk or do some yoga, but honestly- going for a walk outside works better.  I bring my iPod and put on whatever music will help (just found a really good chant that seems to help a lot) and go walk.  When I get to a spot I know no one will hear me I sing along at the top of my lungs, or scream, or chant... or whatever.  That release of built up- emotion? -energy? -whatever it is is crucial to my own personal sanity.

It sounds from talking to others that many people are the same way.  Maybe find your (healthy) 'release' and let it go.  Don't 'suck it up', lol.

Brightest Blessings
SnowAngel

[Ken Ra]

Exercise really helps with depression.  Most of us need to feel that we make a difference, yet the things that effect the Whole World are beyond us.  So look at what you can do locally.  Pick up trash by the road, volunteer to help out,  somewhere they desperately need people.  Don't do it to get strokes do it because YOU think it is right and should be done.

[ThunderWolf]

There have been some really good suggestions so far, but you know what? Depression is not just a mental disorder! Whatever the cause, there is a physical component to it! You are ill! (I don't mean that disparagingly.) When people are sick they go to the doctor. That's what you should do! I've lived with a bipolar disorder (with mostly depression) since I was a teen. I'm now 44. Chemical antidepressants can do the trick if you find the right one and the right dose for you (You have to work with your doc.) if there aren't any underlying psychological reasons contributing to it. If there are then a combination of talk therapy and medical attention can make great strides in getting you back to "normal". Don't try to handle this by yourself. See your doctor. The consequences of not seeking medical attention could be fatal.

[ND013]

Thanks for all the great suggestions.

There is a slight issue with the whole "going to the doctor" thing. No insurance. This is one of those reasons I wish I lived int he UK (they love their citizens enough to make health care part of the package deal). I was put on anti-depressants once while I was in the Navy (7-ish yeahs ago) and the side effects were worse than my depression. I know there are a lot of options, but I would rather suffer alone than go on meds again. Yes, I know that's a stupid/stubborn attitude to have, but it's the one I'm stuck with.

On the plus side, I woke up this morning not wanting to die and not depressed. I will also be getting back to the gym today; I have a marathon to train for.