new to all of this and not so new

[malewitch42]

hi my name is j.d. im new to paganism but ive been studying some aspects since i was 4 and now im 21 i get the idea from some of the things ive read that this is a family so i would like to get to know all of you and tell you all a little about me. i started studing not paganism but using some gifts that i have that run in the family and got a little bit of roots in it because christianity has despite what my family might say no solutions to some problems ... it works for others but i doesnt work for me. anyway im a medium and empath and a healer and i have some premonitions and all of this started developing at age 4. i accidentally took of the sympotms and pain of my grandfathers cancer. after that my great grandmother taught me a lot about control and shielding (she is a witch and told me some of her beliefs. but she died when i was 10 before i was ready to admit that im not christian and ready to believe there is nothing wrong with that. i was abused as a child and i turned to drugs. i am a drug addict with a little over 4 months clean now. and that comes to what brings me searching here. just before i went to rehab i overdosed and my heart stopped. while i was dead (for about 4 minutes) everything went black. then this woman appeared before me in a dress of such pure white it shined light into the darkness. she was flawless and beautiful but somehow she seemed ancient. her hair was the same white as her dress and came to near her ankles but never touched the ground. her skin was a beautiful olive color, but the most startling thing about her was here eyes. they were black like the night sky and filled with stars. her presence was so calming i think it might have made everything ok even if i had stayed dead. then she spoke in a beautiful voice that was both motherly and like a lover and said to me

"I'm not done with you yet"

the next thing i remeber i was vaugly aware of being back in the hospital. i talked to a priest about her and he tried to tell me she was a demon. i cant imagine a demon saving my life or being that comforting since this happened i have gone to rehab and now im living in a 3/4 house im also starting to perform some of the services i did before (readings healing cleansing and work with spirits) but i really would like to work with this woman. someone gave me a mother of pearl pendant and it seems to radiate her presence but other than that i dont have much more to go and and i want to serve her whoever she is. does anyone have any experience with this?

[truffledude]

Hmm..... She could be anybody. Who have you worked with, or feel drawn to? She sounds Greek.

[malewitch42]

ive only really worked with non specific spirits or relative but never anything so powereful and pure

[ThunderWolf]

Hekate sprang to my mind, but I really have nothing to back that up with.

Welcome to the group!

[LupusStormDancer]

Welcome to the family as it were Hope you find the answers to the questions you have

[SnowAngel]

Welcome!  You're gonna love it here 

Not sure who the Goddess may have been, but if you do a Search for Goddess names (hit the green Search tab above)... or how to find your Goddess you may have some luck.  There have been a few threads recently about this topic and there was a lot of great advice/ideas on them.

Merry Meet!

Brightest Blessings
SnowAngel

[ferox1012]

Good evening, and welcome to the forum, sir[smile].
I hope that you find what you're after.

[Phoenix82]

Welcome to the Forum, maybe the below paragraph from the "Charge of the Goddess" can help you a little.
To me she's "just" Goddess or the Great Mother. Many names, in my believe all come down to the same source or entity. I'm usually only more specific if I need to work with a surtain aspect of The Goddess.

Listen to the words of the Great Mother;
she who of old was also called among men
Artemis, Astarte, Athene, Dione, Melusine,
Aphrodite, Cerridwen, Cybele, Arianrhod,
Isis, Dana, Bride
and by many other names!

Good Luck with your Quest
Blessings
Phoenix

[malewitch42]

I guess although finding out who she is exactly would be nice what I really want is to figure out how to serve her ... it might be unualual to serve before I know her. But she saved my life and I am devoted to her for that ... I can never serve her enough to earn the gift she has given me but I would like to do what I can for her ... I'm just not sure how

[Ruby07]

Welcome!
Congradulations of being sober for so long. That is extremely great!
I am not sure who that might have been but you are definately right, she seems to be very important. She could possibly be some sort of guardian or something.
If you ever need something, let me know!
Blessings,
Ruby

[malewitch42]

Someone suggested that the mother of pearl might mean a goddess that had something to do with fish or the ocean I still don't have a name for her but I'm beginning to understand how to serve her .... she is like the mother I always wanted and needed and I am honered and mystified that she sought me out.

[Kaleesie]

Well, I'm glad your here, and congratulations  on your sobriety.
I have to admit, Hecate is my Goddess, and if it was her you saw, I'm personally happy she sent you back.... But whoever it was, welcome to the forum!

Blessed Ne
Kaleesie

[Suzie Q]

Malewitch, it sounds as though you had a NDE "near-death-experience" which many of us have experienced as well.  When you are classified "dead", and your spirit begins the process of detaching in preparation for passing through the veil, the family, guides and Guardians come forward to assist you.  If you are not suppose to pass at that moment in time, they will gently send you back.  The Guardians are always beautiful, loving and empathic so I am not surprised that you felt that way towards her.

The next time you do a meditation etc. ask them who she was, and thank her for her time.  They will in most cases tell you.

Welcome and blessings to you!

[malewitch42]

After many times of asking broadly who she was and receiving. The answer you can only be told when you already know I asked if she was hecate with some certainty and she replied now that you know you do not have to be told ... my goddess is hecate