Odd Feeling in Church

[AlaniaRosewood]

Okay so my Aunt and Uncle are extremely Christian, everything they do they back up with something from the bible, and thats good I find that they believe so strongly a good thing, but they resently found out that I'm not Christian and am a form of Pagan with some wicca mixed in but they don't know the details my brother just told them that Im wiccan. See I went to thier house this weekend and being the firm believers they are tried to talk me out of what I believe and share god and jesus with me, then they took me to church, now heres the wierd part. I was actually kinda happy to be going to church just to see some people that I knew when I was little back when I was Christain like the rest of my family because that was all I knew, but when walked through the door I instantly felt uncomfortable, really uncomfortable, to the point where I just wanted to turn around and leave. I managed to get through that and sit with them, I listened to the music that their band was playing, and then their pastur started to talk about god and everything, you know church stuff and everytime he said something I got more and more agitated, I understand what they beilieve, I understand why they believe it,  I get that even if I don't understand it, but I don't understand why I got so agitated. I'm useually a pretty calm person so I can't understand it, everytime they spoke it was like fire to my chest it just made me agitated to no end, and I saw people getting up to go to the bathroom and everything and everytime all I could think was would my aunt and uncle notice if I got up and went out saying I had to go to the bathroom and just didn't come back? Every instinct I had was telling me to get out because I didn't feel right, didn't feel right at all. I can't pretend to be what I'm not  I believe in my God and my Godess and today did not shaken that I just can't understand my anger and urge to flee or fight them I never feel that way if there is no danger. Anyone else feel this before?

[VakuurBairn]

 'Tis a curious thing indeed, and You'll hear the same story from just about anyone who was once a believer in the Christ-child. Maybe its some sort of resentment toward the people who preached these, now newly viewed, false lesson drilled into their subconscious. Maybe its having been forced to believe something by their parents and family without the right of choice for their own vision of Deity. Whatever the case I myself have heard it from just about every pagan that came from that particular faith, very odd.

[NorthernWoman]

If I had been in your shoes I would have been resentful because despite knowing that I didn't hold the same beliefs, auntie and uncle still dragged me to church.  To try to JeeeZUS me out of my beliefs.  And a smaller amount of resentment because that would be an hour of my life I couldn't get back (and I could have been doing something else, like sleeping late). 

I have been to church with my family many times since finding my path.  It took years to calm down and remember that just because it isn't my gig, doesn't mean it's not other peoples' bag.  Breathe in, breathe out, move on.  But tell auntie and uncle, "no" if you don't want to go next time, eh?

[malewitch42]

i hate going to church my family tryed to have an exorcism performed on me against my will and i refuse to go to church with them and the only time i will go at all is a funeral or a wedding

[Theflyingsorcerer]

I've been in many, many churches, in Britain, Europe and North America, of all denominations from Catholic and High Anglican to Unitarian, and it's sometimes astounding how much explicitly Pagan iconography you can find in them, carved in stone and wood, if you look around; from Green Men to dragons and wyverns to wolves wearing priestly vestments..... These are mostly to be found in older churches, of course; not so much in those built from the 19th century onwards - though even one can sometimes find surprises. Five-pointed stars are very common.

Depending on the church, the denomination and the location, the atmosphere inside can run the gamut from peaceful and uplifting to thick with brooding menace. The best advice I can give, when entering a church that feels uncomfortable, is to weave a protective cocoon of light - I find silver light with flashes of violet works best - around yourself before entering; in extreme cases, warding pentagrams in the six directions (not forgetting Up and Down), and invoking your preferred deities or spirit guides, give added protection. Wear a consecrated pentacle - concealed, if necessary - a consecrated athame, and whatever other charms and wards feel necessary.

You don't need to actually wave an athame around to create pentagrams; mentally-constructed ones are just as effective. You probably don't want to make yourself too conspicuous.

Many older churches are built on natural power points, or even on pre-existing Pagan or First Nations sacred sites; sometimes it's possible to tune in to these older energies, which can help when weaving protective shields. Draw the energy in through your feet and up through the spinal column; at the same time, draw cosmic energy down through the crown of your head (the "Crown Chakra") and let the energies mingle into a sphere at mid-chest level (Heart Chakra). Let the sphere expand outwards to surround your whole body. If you need a spoken spell - subvocally of course - keep it short and simple; "I am safe and protected," is probably sufficient.

Don't forget to breathe deeply. Hyperventilating is definitely NOT a good idea.

Wardings such as these also protect against attempted exorcisms. Not to mention door-to-door peddlers of various religions, although in such cases a simple "Go away, I'm not interested" is all you need. No point in burning up spiritual energy unneccessarily.

I hope this helps, Alania; and anyone else in a similar situation.

Blessed Be everyone,

Theflyingsorcerer.

[malewitch42]

my own uncomfortable feeling are alomost entirely if not entirely my own resentment

[Ken Ra]

Alania When you stopped being christian you removed yourself from their conditioning. Now you do not accept it as ordinary and feel it as the compulsion / integrity attack that it is.  They did not change,  you did and no longer gave them control over your spiritual self.

I NEVER enter a church without at least light shields, sometimes full battle armor.

[AlaniaRosewood]

I remember thinking that they seemed so brain washed, things that I used to believe seemed ledicris, like when they spoke of being Gods servents, placed on this planet to serve him, to do his bidding, one of them actually proudly displayed a tattoo that said "MY life is not my own" With a cross above it, I just couldn't understand it. They also kept speaking ill of things like Gay Marrige, how it is sinful for guys to like guys and girls to like girls, and they kept talking about expanding the religion, sharing the word of God with those to foolish to know it, to rid the world of the antichristian religons. And everyone there was eating it up, amening everything that they said I can't understand there lack of freewill, everything they do is based on what their pasture and the bible says, they are mindless, I felt like I was in North Korea or something a bunch of mindless followers. I am the sevent of Nature, or life, meaning all life including my own, they acted like they had no life that life was not theirs, and it was just odd to me.  About the middle when everyone got up to get the bread and juice stuff thats supposed to be jesus's blood and body the movement of the room ended up startling me, and I nearly fled or cast a circle(mentally) around myself, I wish they would have had candles burning I would have felt much more comfortable with fire around me. Oh it was a prespaterian church(idk if thats how you spell it). And I had told them before that I didn't want to go to church, and its not happening again, I don't feel comfortable in there, Im not doing something that makes me uncomfortable, even for family