Jesus Camp

the link doesn't work anymore but i looked up part I on youtube but it cut off, anyway and yeah, I felt like I was having flashbacks! I'd like to watch the whole thing (though I better take some anxiety pills beforehand so it doesn't freak me out with memories, i'm not even kidding)

I grew up in churches until I was about 17 that were almost exactly like that! Mostly the assembly of God churches but some even more strong than assembly of God. I also went to a christian school for my very first years of school, then was homeschooled a year, only went to a public school for 2 years where my mom was constantly berating and questioning anything secular that the school taught. then I went to a christian school again, then I was homeschooled until my senior year where I finally got her to send me to a christian school for my senior year. By the end of it I bolted for the biggest, freest, secular university.

So much of that video reminds me of back then, it seriously does bring up some emotional issues for me. Like the whole war paint thing, I can tell you exactly what that was. It was one of their dramatic productions that they get the kids/teens to do, using lots of intense music to try and make everyone believe their message. It was actually scarily effective. They would turn the lights all weird and make it as intense as possible. brainwashing in my opinion, though I know they didn't realize they were doing that. I used to even be on the drama team at one church.

And I was one of those kids who DID get brainwashed by everything. I went to some of the camps/conventions (especially as a teen), I constantly was in some form of church with almost always a Pentecostal/charismatic bent, went to all the vacation bible school stuff, and I believed it. The whole "us and them" syndrome, the "warrior" thing, everything. I actually believe it led to some of my paranoia issues later on as I got even further involved in literature and such that even the ridiculously fundamentalist churches might not have endorsed.

But when you have parents and pastors and sunday school teachers talking on and off about demons, satan, how we are supposedly "warriors of god", focusing on graphic and condemnational old testament stuff, reading into the bible word for word, talking about sinners and salvation, arguing whether you could lose your salvation, constant fear of sin, yeah it can bring on some mental issues and make you go farther than even they intended. I remember our Bible class at my Christian school basically tried to say how Mormons were secretly evil and had satanic practices. (who cares if they did, but that's not the point! Mormons are a Christian sect, who I definitely don't agree with, but they aren't satanic!) I also remember the whole "revelation" craze, talking about the anti-christ and saying how the end is coming and you better be ready for the rapture or you'd be stuck here on earth and all the christians would go to heaven and you'd have to take all the persecution. And the whole if you got the mark of the beast you'd go to hell no matter what. My mom refuses to microchip her animals cause she thinks it might be the mark of the beast. It just got insane. I'm sure not all kids from penecostal families are that indoctrinated but some must be cause I sure was.

I was also one of those kids who seemed very adult so they would discuss anything with me, even the scariest stuff, and then I'd feel important being a child and liking adult recognition as they were impressed by me. All the while I thought I was believing true stuff based on my own knowledge when really it was everything a mixture of fundamentalist environments had fed me.

I remember at 8 years old overhearing my dad talk about demons, and while i think he is actually fairly reasonable about christianity compared to my mother, him talking about his personal experiences with demons (which were either true or hallucinations, but doesn't mean he interpreted them the way I would), but yeah I remember being SO scared I was going to be attacked by demons. I used to think demons were following me everywhere and that satanists were after me, due to a mixture of being in various pentacostal churches and having a friend who came from the same background who claimed all this weird stuff. I also remember a friend who thought she was not "filled with the holy spirit" cause she didn't speak in tongues and she would get so upset about it. I would also always feel guilty cause no matter what I could never pray enough, read enough, etc. I don't even know what the speaking in tongues was supposed to do. I did it, but who knows what it was.

And when I finally got older and started questioning this "us or them" and "the Bible is 100% true" and "everyone but us is going to hell" I got so much flak for it. People would argue incessantly with my honest questions, claim I just wanted it easier (when in reality I had all Christian friends so it would've been easier to believe what they said), etc... Eventually I gave up and found paganism.

But just the guilt and the persecution complex of those groups is insane. I also remember not being allowed to watch harry potter. My mom still thinks world of warcraft is evil. When me and my bf about a year ago tried out a roleplaying group based on D&D, we had to keep it quiet from my mother and claim that when my sister came over it was just a "star wars game". and she was like 18! it really was starwars, we just couldn't even mention it was roleplaying! When my mother found out I was self harming at 15, she badgered me about "had I been involved in witchcraft". for one, I hadn't at the time. and two, how on earth does witchcraft lead to self harming?!?

The other thing is that when I was homeschooled, I had to use this super conservative christian curriculum that was on video. They totally rewrote history to follow their perspective. According to them all environmentalists are overreacting and DDT is not dangerous. And then they go and quote a bible verse about man subduing the earth. seriously?!? they took so much of the Bible out of context to support their religious and even political agendas. I don't even believe the Bible is more than a historical piece of spirituality, philosophy, morality, and poetry, but it does have some good passages and truths in it, but when it becomes twisted and taken 100% literally I guess that's what you get. I also was basically taught that republicans were almost always better than democrats. I remember the few poor kids that had parents that supported Al Gore/Kerry/Clinton and said so in school/church were ridiculed by other children. It was such a shame that people didn't have a right to their own opinions.

So I'll quit ranting now, and I have nothing against most christianity, but the fundamentalist stuff just gets dangerous in its intolerance and pushing it on young children. I think it's fine for adults to have their extreme opinions, but 1.) they don't have any right to say what we can or can't do legally based on religion if we can't do the same for them (as if I'd want to tell them what to do!) and 2.) they shouldn't be using such scare tactics on young children. It really is very confusing and damaging growing up like that. the other dangerous thing is the isolation that at least I experienced. I seriously had hardly any non-Christian friends once I hit 10 years old (the few I did have were from the public school who I soon lost contact with) and the other exception would be any friends that were secretly rebelling. So yeah I think it's not fair to cut kids off from the outside world. I know I would never want my future children to only be around pagans. So sorry for the long post, this is just a topic that REALLY hits home and plays into a lot of the issues I still deal with.